September 24, 2008

My broken heart...

Sorry I haven't been around much lately but we've been having to make some major decisions about our family. After lots of trying to make it work, we have decided that we are not going to adopt Ashley. As many of you know, she's a lot different than we were told. Through lack of current information, we weren't told that she's extremely underweight at 35 lbs., she is almost blind, and she doesn't feel pain. We were not told that her way of socialization is attacking people and pulling out their hair and eating it. She has hurt herself constantly and has hurt the other kids constantly, especially P because she'll hunt her down to get after her long hair. P can't get away so she's the main target. And since Ashley's mental capacity is that of a 5 month old baby, she doesn't know what she's doing and has no control over the things that she does. She doesn't understand being told "no" and will continue to do things over and over. I'm constantly having to sit and referee those two as they are like magnets to each other.
She also has eating issues. We were told that she loved to eat and could finger feed, when actually she hates to eat, gags and retches the whole time, and sometimes vomits. We put a spoonful of food in her mouth and she'll just sit there with it. Feeding her can take 1-2 hours for each meal.
Anyways, there are so many things that we just weren't aware of and as much as we have tried to make it work, it just won't.
Thanks everyone for being so excited about her and for being so supportive as we have tried to make this work. The day she leaves will be one of the hardest days of my life. We love her very much and it's going to be so hard to let her go. She doesn't mean to be like she is, she's just that way. Maybe if our other kids were older it would be easier, but they're not and we have to do what is right for our family.


  1. Oh honey.

    I'm so sad for you! What a heartbreaking choice to have to make. I know how long you waited for her and all your hopes and aspirations for her to fit into your family. How sad and disappointing that the information about her was so incredibly incorrect or misleading! Of course you have thought carefully about this and you absolutely have to be concerned about your other 4 babies! I wish you all the best; you know I'm there if you need me.


  2. Sending you a ton of hugs and love, and lots of prayers! I love you all!

  3. Hey Jen,
    I am so sorry to hear about Ashley!
    I know what you mean when you need to do the right thing for your family, that is why you now have two great boys:) I know it is hard right now, but it will get easier! I guess it is like they always say, everything happens for a reason! Always remember I am her for you! Take Care and I love ya!

  4. Oh Jen, what an emotional rollercoaster for you. Why does life has to be so hard? I'm thinking of you!